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    Humour

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    starninja
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    Re: Humour

    Post  starninja on Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:51 am

    Creativity without limits. scratch

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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Wed Dec 01, 2010 10:08 am

    The curbside puppy is hysterical. How can such a small dog have so much to let go?


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    burgundia

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    Re: Humour

    Post  burgundia on Wed Dec 01, 2010 10:39 am

    I once saw a small dog urinating with its hind legs up...
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    ClearWater

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    Re: Humour

    Post  ClearWater on Wed Dec 15, 2010 2:39 am

    David Bowie (Will Ferrell) visits Bing Crosby (John C. Reilly) during the holidays to sing a duet of two Christmas classics, Peace on Earth & The Little Drummer Boy.

    Well...what the heck. I can't seem to embed this video no matter what I try. confused
    Oh well, here's the link.
    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6f62088f27/peace-on-earth-little-drummer-boy-with-will-ferrell-john-c-reilly?playlist=featured_videos
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:06 am

    This is hysterical. The Twelve Days of Christmas Irish Humor - Frank Kelly - With Lyrics



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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Wed Dec 15, 2010 4:42 pm

    Friends bloopers

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kpbc6kXI7w


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11OrjN-jJWQ&feature=related



    Love Always
    mudra

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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Sat Dec 18, 2010 10:10 am

    Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into
    the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving.
    They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when
    all of a sudden Luis says...

    "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell.
    Ees bacon, I theenk."

    "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

    With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, &
    there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
    There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double
    smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

    "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

    "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

    "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

    And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

    "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

    "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

    "Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree.

    Ees..

    Ees..

    Ees...

    Ees...

    Ees a ham bush..."


    Love Always
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sat Dec 18, 2010 11:28 am

    In my email box this morning and just to fun not to pass it on.

    WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER!

    "And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!

    CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
    1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and early 70's !

    First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos...

    They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

    Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

    As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

    We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

    Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos...

    Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death!

    We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

    We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.

    We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because........
    WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
    No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.

    We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY ,
    no video/dvd films,
    no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
    (and old Rovers, Austin 7’s, Morris 10’s (some lucky bastard even had a Rolls Royce ! )

    We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
    Lawsuits from these accidents.

    Only girls had pierced ears!

    We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

    You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time....

    We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,

    We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

    Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn’t need to keep up with the Jones’s!

    Not everyone made the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on
    MERIT

    Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber at us if they thought we weren’t concentrating . We can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of a good, solid three R’s education. Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road..

    The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
    They actually sided with the law!

    Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla' and 'Tiger'

    We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
    DEAL WITH IT ALL !


    And YOU are one of them!
    CONGRATULATIONS!

    You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

    And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

    PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore






    Last edited by Carol on Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:54 pm; edited 1 time in total


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    eMonkey

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    Re: Humour

    Post  eMonkey on Sat Dec 18, 2010 2:12 pm

    Now I've seen it all.. Creepy - excuse the pun

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCPlczI3k-c
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:32 pm

    Golfing Love Story

    An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

    Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."

    Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'“?

    Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

    Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

    Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

    "I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

    "Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"


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    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:38 pm

    IF MY BODY WAS A CAR...

    If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ...

    But that's not the worst of it.

    My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close

    My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

    My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

    It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

    But here's the worst of it --


    Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:53 pm

    This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said,
    "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." so I explained to her that my dogs
    are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging
    clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with
    housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes
    to qualify. My dogs get their first cheques Friday.

    Damn, this is a great country!




    Where did Piss Poor come from?

    Interesting History


    They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families
    used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor"

    But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low

    The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

    Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell ..... . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
    Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting Married.

    Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

    Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

    There was nothing to stop things from falling into the
    house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence,
    a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top
    afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

    The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until,
    when you opened the door, it would all start slipping
    outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

    (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

    In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big
    kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit
    the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly
    vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

    Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

    Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

    Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

    England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive... So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

    Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

    And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring!!!

    So...get out there and educate someone!


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    giovonni

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    Re: Humour

    Post  giovonni on Sun Dec 19, 2010 1:08 pm

    well this is kind of funny scratch

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    TRANCOSO

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    Re: Humour

    Post  TRANCOSO on Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:47 am

    Lord of the Rings meets the French Monty Python Taunts
    Laugh



    Monty Python meets Star Wars
    Luke



    Star Trek meets Monty Python



    Star Trek as The A-Team

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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:05 am

    Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

    Read to the end!

    1 cup of water
    1 tsp baking soda
    1 cup of sugar
    1 tsp salt
    1 cup or brown sugar
    4 large eggs
    1 cup nuts
    2 cups of dried fruit
    1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila


    Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
    check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
    pour one level cup and drink.

    Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
    in a large fluffy bowl.


    Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point
    it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another
    cup just in case.

    Turn off the mixerer thingy.

    Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
    of dried fruit.

    Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

    Mix on the turner.


    If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry
    it loose with a drewscriver.

    Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

    Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves
    a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.


    Add one table.

    Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
    find.

    Greash the oven.

    Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
    over.

    Don't forget to beat off the turner..


    Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
    Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.



    Cherry Mistmas !


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    giovonni

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    Re: Humour

    Post  giovonni on Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:07 pm

    i love Goats bounce

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    eMonkey

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    So You Want To Go Treeplanting

    Post  eMonkey on Mon Dec 27, 2010 9:58 am

    So You Want To Go Treeplanting

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVO8b-1DR9E
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    Brook

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    Re: Humour

    Post  Brook on Mon Jan 03, 2011 12:56 pm

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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:00 pm

    Oooops


    Last edited by mudra on Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:59 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:16 pm

    *
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    giovonni

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    Re: Humour

    Post  giovonni on Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:36 pm

    So...where is...rhythmmm confused



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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:57 pm

    [quote="giovonni"] So...where is...rhythmmm confused


    Long time not seen or spoken with her Gio ...

    Love from me
    mudra
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    devakas

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    Re: Humour

    Post  devakas on Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:00 am

    ah british....
    lol
    http://www.wimp.com/animalvoiceovers/
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    devakas

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    Re: Humour

    Post  devakas on Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:53 pm

    600 US solders chant Hare Krsna for 3 miles

    http://www.iskcondesiretree.net/profiles/blogs/600-us-soldiers-chant-hare
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:04 pm

    What is a calorie ?



    Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.
    MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS!


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol

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    Re: Humour

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