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    mudra

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    Humour

    Post  mudra on Sun Apr 27, 2014 5:08 pm

    Boston bandit



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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Thu May 01, 2014 4:04 pm



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    Sanicle

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    Re: Humour

    Post  Sanicle on Thu May 01, 2014 5:35 pm

    Oh he's sooooooooo cute!  Razz lol!  Razz 
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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Sun May 04, 2014 1:26 am


    Global Warming



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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Sun May 18, 2014 8:15 am

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Fri May 30, 2014 4:51 pm

    kid calls 911 for math home work

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0iXEIpgzNk


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    Brook

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    Re: Humour

    Post  Brook on Sun Jun 01, 2014 8:52 am

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    Sanicle

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    Re: Humour

    Post  Sanicle on Tue Jun 03, 2014 6:54 am

    Out-smarted by a honey badger!  Lolerz 


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c36UNSoJenI
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:15 pm

    Painless Birth A couple went to the hospital to have a baby. The doctor told them that he had invented a new machine that would automatically transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if the husband was willing to try it out. Both the husband and wife were very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob at 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But, as labor progressed, the doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, they found the mailman dead on the porch.


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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:25 pm

    Everybody Knows Bubba Too

    Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know 'em."

    Tired of Bubba's boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise?"

    "Why, sure. Hey, me and Tom is good ole buddies, and I can prove it."

    So Bubba and his boss took the company plane out to Hollywood and knocked on Tom Cruise's door. Sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

    Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

    "No, no, just name anyone else, anybody. Go ahead," Bubba says.

    "Alright then, ....President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

    "You mean the other Bubba? Sure," Bubba says, "I know Bill from when I lived in Arkansas. I'd love to fly out to Washington and visit."

    So off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

    Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

    "Okay, Bubba. I got a stumper for you. I bet you don't know the Pope?" his boss replies.

    "Sure!" says Bubba. "My grandpappy is from Poland, and I've known the Pope from before he was the Pope."

    So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, I'll just go on upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

    And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

    But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

    His boss looks up and says, "Well, Bubba, I was doing just fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me poked me in the ribs and asked me, 'Hey, who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'"


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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:26 pm

    Angry Wife       
    An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!


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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:27 pm

    Bubba took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota, to visit a distant cousin. While there, they went to a bar for a few beers. An Indian on the stool next to Bubba struck up a friendly conversation and eventualy said, "Look, let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink. If you can't then you buy ME one. OK?"

    "Yeah, thet sounds purdy good," said Bubba.

    The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"

    Bubba scratched his head and finally said, "Ah give up. Hew was it?"

    "It was ME," chortled the Indian. So Bubba paid for the drinks.

    Back in North Carolina, Bubba went into a bar and spotted one of his buddies, Clyde. "Say, Clyde" he said, "ah got a game fer yuh. If'n yew kin answer a question, ah'll buy yew a drink. If yew cain't, YEW have to buy ME one. Fair nuff?"

    "Fair enough," said Clyde.

    "All raht...mah daddy and mah momma had one chile. It warn't my brudder. It warn't my sister. Hew was it?"

    "Search me," said Clyde. "Ah give up, hew was it?"

    "I node yuh couldn't guess it cause yuh never met him. It was some Indian way up thar in Fargo, North Dakota."


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    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:32 pm

    Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused
    her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and
    sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor
    about her baby.

    The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The
    babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks
    to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"

    Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's
    name?"

    "Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a
    beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the
    name Denise."

    Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" 

    The doctor replies, "Denephew."


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    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Sanicle

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    Re: Humour

    Post  Sanicle on Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:20 am

    I can just imagine this happening..........and it's still making me laugh.   Lolerz 

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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:20 pm

    Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

    Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.

    Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

    "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

    The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?


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    What is life?
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:21 pm

    Penquin goes shopping in Japan. This 10-year-old King Penguin was rescued from a fisherman's line and refused to leave after he was healed.  He was adopted by a family in a small town in Japan and became a beloved pet who has his own personal air-conditioned cold room.  Lala is so smart - he walks to the fish store with his little backpack to shop for fresh fish every day.  You are gonna love this little video! 

    http://www.flixxy.com/pet-penguin-goes-shopping.htm


    Last edited by Carol on Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:24 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:22 pm

    What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo?

    On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin.

    A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.


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    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:23 pm

    Bubba, a furniture dealer from Alabama, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.

    To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked hi m some thing in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to sit down.

    He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language & so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

    After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

    Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

    To this day, Bubba has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business!


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    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:34 pm

    CROW RECIPE: FAMOUS KENTUCKY CROW  

    1 lg. feathered crow
    4 c. cow manure
    1 pt. Old Crow Kentucky Bourbon
    Mix one cup Old Crow Kentucky Bourbon with 4 cups cow manure until pastry. Pack the manure around the crow. Bake in preheated oven 2 hours at 375 degrees. Gently crack the manure crust and remove crow. Throw crow away. Serve manure with LARGE shot of Old Crow Kentucky Bourbon.


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Sun Jun 15, 2014 9:28 am

    Jerry Seinfeld: Airport

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzE7xN65E7Q


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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Sun Jun 15, 2014 9:29 am

    Jerry Seinfeld: NEW Stand Up Comedy 2004-2013 Compilation

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R616u50ZFdY


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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:15 pm



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    Re: Humour

    Post  Carol on Sun Jun 22, 2014 11:49 am

    Pointed Observations...

    It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

    We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

    The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

     It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

    Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.

    You can't have everything, where would you put it?

    Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

    If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

    Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

    The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

    As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

    When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

    ****************************

    A Few Thoughts:

    1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Bonehead's.

    2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

    3. I live in my own little world but it's OK; everyone knows me here.

    4. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

    5. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

    6. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

    7. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

    8. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

    9. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

    10. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

    11. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

    12. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

    13. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

    14. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

    15. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

    16. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

    16. Marriage changes passion .. . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

    17. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

    18. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

    19. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!

    20. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

    21. When I was young, we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just go "chunky dunk."


    22. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place.

    23. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press "Ctrl Alt Delete" and start all over?

    24. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

    25. Wouldn't you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.


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    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    orthodoxymoron

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    Re: Humour

    Post  orthodoxymoron on Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:48 pm


    Occupy Mars
    "Down with American Cultural Imperialism!!"
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    mudra

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    Re: Humour

    Post  mudra on Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:43 pm



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